I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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