A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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