I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
