Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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