When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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