hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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