i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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