alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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