I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
