I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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