I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
