Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
