I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
