he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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