Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
