i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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