You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
