am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
