I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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