You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
