No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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