the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
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