PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
