I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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