No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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