i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
