you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
