Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bring me that man meat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
