i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
