ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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