You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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