Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
