please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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