So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
