Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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