i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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