i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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