Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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