I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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