I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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