Swine flu. Run for my life!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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