U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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