dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
