we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
