Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Enjoy the penises
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
