Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
