Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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