He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
