I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
