So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
