Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
