as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
