so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
