my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
