Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
